He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
