So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
