I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
