How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
this hospital has no fireball
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize