Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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