Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
