That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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