dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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