once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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