Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
