just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've blown a few things in my day
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
