I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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