Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
