On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
