she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize