I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
