he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Rumble strips road head = magical
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize