Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
