Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
