normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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