Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
