I cockslap morals
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize