tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
