btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
