I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Send help, water and tortillas.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
