i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize