This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
