why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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