Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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