Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
