I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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