Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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