I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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