so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Boobs are out for the taking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
