I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
