You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
