dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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