I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
