this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
