After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
