smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
nutella sex= disaster
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
