You work out of a Hotel?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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