I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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