I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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