I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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