I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
