You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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