We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
