Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
