I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
