I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
