My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
