So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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