You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
