How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize