My Higher Power is John Stamos
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize