I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
