I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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