The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
