what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
