can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
