I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
