she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
