i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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