my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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