So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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