He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize