At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
