Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
