My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
