: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
