I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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