Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
