Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

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(239): View more from Florida

you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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(315): View more from New York

I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree

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(812): View more from Indiana

Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

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(805): View more from California

I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.

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(813): View more from Florida

Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.

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