Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Houston, we have a blender
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
