Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
