She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
