There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
