we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize