can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
