Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
