are you still at the devil's house?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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