Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
