I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize