he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
