I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
