Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
