I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
