I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Operation Purity has been aborted
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
