she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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