I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
