you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
