it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's no shave November. This is our time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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