He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
