you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
