Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
