just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
