I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
