help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
