Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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