Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
