im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
