In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
