she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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