sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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