I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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