woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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