WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Are my feet made of real feet?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
